


Hello from the Magic Tavern Ficlet Collection 2019

by DoreyG



Series: 2019 Ficlet Collections [2]
Category: Hello From the Magic Tavern (Podcast)
Genre: Badger (Shapeshifter)/Human Content, Blow Jobs, Closet Sex, Deepthroating, Ficlet Collection, Jealousy, Kink Discovery, M/M, Mutual Pining, Overstimulation, Pining, Teasing, Xeno, feelings reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2020-10-12 16:35:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20567480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoreyG/pseuds/DoreyG
Summary: A collection of any Hello from the Magic Tavern ficlets I write in 2019 that are under 1000 words.





	1. Mutual Pining (Usidore + Chunt/Arnie)

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that the main pairing in these is going to be Arnie/Chunt. Chunt is a shapeshifter, who is most commonly in the shape of a badger.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Usidore gets sick of all the pining going on.

“I can't stand this anymore!” Usidore declares, slamming his tankard down on the table with some force. “Arnie, Chunt - despite being my goon companions you are both complete idiots, and _both_ completely in love with each other.“

There's a long silence. Blemish stares from across the bar. A cat, the one that's just come out of his mouth, stares with him. All of the patrons drinking put down their glasses as one, and turn to listen. There's a low rumbling sound, as the Dark Lord's attention slowly and inevitably turns to the tavern.

“So, Pizza Skull!” Arnie says in a high voice, noticeably red and doing his best to ignore Chunt's faintly stunned stare. “Do you have any tips on how to make the perfect pizza?”

“No, man,” Pizza Skull says, leering in open fascination, “but I _do_ have tips on how to fuck a badger, if you're interested?”


	2. Kink Discovery (Arnie/Chunt)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arnie discovers a shared kink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is porn in this chapter!

“Chunt, stop it,” he says breathlessly . And then, somewhat higher pitched as lips wrap around his cock again: “Chunt, seriously, _stop_ it. I don't know what it's like on Foon, or amongst badgers for that matter, but… humans need a little more downtime, buddy.”

“Mm,” Chunt says, pulling back to grin at him - with those still animal sharp teeth - in a way that only makes him more breathless. “I know. But humans also sound nice when they're starting to ache a little.“ 

“I, uh-” He turns bright red, shocked to discover that _this_ is somehow another kink that they share. “Chunt!”

“Or maybe that’s just you,“ Chunt says, still grinning, and leans back in to his cock.


	3. Jealousy (Usidore + Arnie(/Chunt) + (Chunt/Twosidore))

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arnie is (totally not) jealous.

"It's alright that you're jealous."

"I'm not jealous!" Arnie says angrily, slamming his tankard down on the table with rather more force than necessary. "Chunt's my best friend! My Goon companion! An all around great guy who I love in an entirely platonic way! I'm not jealous, I'm _happy_ for him."

He waits for roughly five seconds.

"...I just think he could do better."

"Of course," he says in his most measured tone. Judging by how Arnie flinches back, it's still several decibels louder than anybody else in the tavern. "But, Arnold-"

"It's Arnie."

"-May I ask what you'd consider that "better" to look like?"

"I don't know," Arnie says a touch shiftily, fiddling with his tankard in a highly annoying manner and staring off into the near distance. "Not Twosidore, is the main thing. I think he just deserves somebody fun, somebody cool, somebody who will make him laugh. Nobody mean, nobody possessive, nobody who will stop him from hanging out with us. Just a nice, funny, really decent guy."

"Arnold-"

"It's Arnie."

"-Twosidore _is_ all of those things," he points out, so gently that the ceiling shakes. "It may be time to face the fact that the reason you don't like him is because you _are_ jealous. You're scared that he's going to steal Chunt from you, and that you'll no longer be able to count unquestionably on his emotional support. You're also a little angry, because you were never as resistant to Chunt's advances as you pretended and now you're faced with the fact that you may never be able to reciprocate them in your own time. You furthermore feel guilty about this, because you do genuinely care for Chunt and never wanted to play with his feelings to such a degree. You're a bit of a mess, quite frankly."

Arnie's jaw is hanging open, his eyes are wide. "Usidore… How do you know that much about psychoanalysis?"

"People have shoved books through the portal."

"Oh." Arnie seems to consider this for a long second. He sees, with some weariness, the exact moment he gets terrified and shuts off again. "Anyway, you're completely wrong. I'm not jealous. How can I be jealous? I have a wife! A kid! A life I'm desperately trying to get back to!"

"That's probably part of why you feel guilty, " he points out helpfully, "you've abandoned your wife and child in another world, in favour of falling in love with a shapeshifter in the form of a badger in this one. You're playing with everybody, really, and it isn't very nice."

"...Shut up, Usidore. "


	4. Falling in Love (Chunt(/Arnie)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chunt pines.

To be honest, it's _depressing_ to realise that he's starting to fall in love with Arnie.

After all, the man is kind of a mess. He's slobby, and often confusing, and wildly culturally insensitive to a degree that makes it almost miraculous that he hasn't been murdered yet. He's also still obviously in love with his wife, largely straight and totally uninclined to fuck even a talking badger. 

Honestly, if he had any sense at all he'd straight up loathe Arnie and leave it there.

But… he's also funny, and kind, and makes an effort even when all of the odds are stacked violently against him. He still loves his wife, but he's obviously at least a little fond of him. He's straight most of the time, but there's the odd moment you can tell the flexibility of Foon is starting to influence him. And there are moments, after a few beers, when they look at each other and he could _swear_ that there's something there.

Agh, he's being an idiot. An idiot to the point where even Usidore is starting to give him sympathetic looks whenever Arnie goes to get another round. It's an impossible, incredibly depressing dream.

But that doesn't stop him from dreaming it.


	5. Out of the Closet (Arnie/Chunt + Usidore)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Usidore is suspicious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is implied porn in this one!

"I can't believe you convinced me to- oh, hey Usidore!"

He comes to a halt, glanced between his two friends suspiciously. Arnie is bright red and seems slightly shaky, his shirt is still half open - despite his frantic attempts to button it - and through the gap he can see a scattering of what look like bite marks. Chunt looks surprised but incredibly smug by contrast, his fur is ruffled and there's a relaxed look in his eyes that's been absent for a while. They're standing extremely close together, vainly trying to hide the obvious gape of a closet door behind them.

The conclusion he reaches is obvious. "You've been recording the podcast without me, haven't you!"


	6. Deepthroating (Arnie/Chunt)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chunt teases.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More porn!

"Mother_fucker_."

"Now, is that any way to talk to me?" Chunt slides his mouth off his cock in one long movement, smirks up at him in a way that really shouldn't make him feel more horny but still kinda does. "Here I am, on my knees-"

"You're not on your knees," he manages, still breathless. "You're just as tall as the average badger."

"-Doing something nice for you, and this is how you react?" Chunt gives him an amused look, casually rakes claws down his thigh as he struggles to draw in air. "Maybe I should just get up and leave you here, let you think about how to treat a partner appropriately. "

He whimpers a protest, mindlessly, is already desperately reaching out for Chunt again before his brain engages and remembers the actual way of things "...Hey."

Chunt smirks up at him, obviously delighted.

"You like it when I start swearing," he says, desperately trying to think through the haze of arousal. "It's not fair, if you're going to change it now. It's not _nice_, if you're going to put your mouth on my cock and then just-"

"Arnie! Arnie, _chill_." Chunt laughs, actually laughs at him, and leans back in before he can formulate a proper protest. The hot gush of air over his cock is enough to send all thought flying away again, enough to have him falling back in his elbows and gasping for air. "I'm just messing with you. Here, let me make it up to you. Feel free to put your hands in my fur this time, okay?"

He opens his mouth, to attempt one last protest… But then Chunt closes his mouth around him and slides all the way down, and he's too busy grabbing for him to think a single thing more.


End file.
